happy Pi day =)

yup, today's "3.14" = march 14. it woulda been cool if today was an actual holiday, where everyone just ate pie. allll day. yum!

anyways, after doing some reflecting on my past blogs, i realize lately most of what i talk about has to do with my love life.. awkward. i also found out that the link to my blog that i put under the info tab on my facebook is very easily found & accessible to all 978 facebook friends i have. i just never took into account that more than 5% would ever take interest. and the downfall to this site is i can't see who views my blogs. i can only get a number of how many profile views i get, & most people can just read my blogs without ever clicking on my profile, so their numbers aren't recorded. kinda makes me curious to see who's actually been reading about my personal life lol but either way, i'll never be able to know, and i'm okay with that. but if you want to be super awesome and cool, post a smiley face on my facebook wall and nothing more, this month only! and that'll be like your secret way of admitting "why yes, i read your blogs." but the chances are no one's going to do this, because if you guys wanted me to know that you were reading, you would make a blogger account and become a follower =) like the awesome, brave 3 people on the bottom right column of this page. lol but in all honesty, it's totally cool with me if you like reading my blogs anonymously. i'm just happy knowing there are people out there who are even slightly interested in my life. so thank you guys =)

the next thing i wondered about was if i should stop letting myself be so personal and open with these blogs because knowledge is power, and letting the wrong kinds of people get this knowledge about me gives them the power to destroy/really hurt me =( but i came to the decision that i don't want to change the way i write or express myself out of fear of people using my words against me. if anyone ever makes fun of my personal stories and thoughts, i can take it. because at one point, everything i ever wrote/typed was meaningful to me. real talk.

that being said, i will now continue this blog as normal. the orchestra concert last sunday went pretty well. one of my friends who i haven't seen in a while came & it was his first ever live orchestra concert experience =) he said he really enjoyed it & i'm really grateful for his presence and him driving all the way to the city from the suburbs just to see me play! i'm glad he said it was definitely worth coming and is even planning to attend my next concert. to me, friend support is an irreplaceable and vital part of life. i also got to meet 3 new people, the bestfriends of the guy i'm seeing. thanks for coming to my concert and hope i didn't make a terrible first impression! well technically i only met 2 new people, because the other one i met previously at a banquet. so here's your special shoutout Pancho (aka "the best boyfriend ever" to your girl), cuz i know you're reading this lol you are a really chill, dopee person and you're birthday is this tuesday! so happy early birthday and thanks for coming to my concert! i really appreciate it =)

josh had his quartet recital tuesday, and i am sooo proud of how much he has improved as a violinist. his quartet was the best, hands down. then friday he had his first varsity gymnastics meet of the season =) again, very proud. then joel had his final basketball tournament today and his team won all 3 games, making them this year's season champs! trophy and 1st place medals. i am THE proudest older sister in the whole world. both of little brothers are growing up so fast, and making great choices and accomplishments. guess it's my turn to step up and be worthy of being a role-model for them. on a happy note, it's getting warmer outside! i've been dying to get back on the tennis courts, and as soon as it gets above 60 degrees, i'm there. springbreak's coming up too! only 7 more days, and i'm off to houston, texas for the whole week =) can't wait to see all the family and meet one of my bestfriends, Jason, for the first time ever in person. he's friends with my cousins over there and we've been sorta like penpals for the past 4 years, except instead of writing letters, we call, text, IM, etc. so we know each other pretty well, just haven't met yet. overall, i'm pretty excited for this trip! just needa get through this week. but i'm definitely going to be missing a certain person every single day i'm gone.. =(

-jenesis

he makes me smile

3/10/10 "there's only one girl on my mind.. It's you"

=)

Self-explanatory. he can be sooo wonderful sometimes.

Half of You

"how can i give you all of me, when all i get is half of you." -Half of You by Varsity Fanclub.

do you ever feel like the person you're with is holding back, being cautious, and unwilling to fully let you in? and that the reasons behind it have nothing to actually do with you, but rather with someone who came before you? we all get hurt at some point in our lives, but that shouldn't hold us back from stepping back out there with a brave face and open heart. how can you expect someone to be completely open to you when you're building barrier after barrier. and it's pushing me away. i'm trying to be understanding and patient, but how much longer do you expect me to stay like this.. i'm so done with being on&off with you. it feels like every time we take one step forward, you take two steps back. i can't make this work on my own; i need to know that this is what you truly want too. if it's not, be honest with me now. please stop playing with my heart.. be fair with me, be honest with yourself. i really want to be with you.. i like you just as you are, you're all i can think about, and being around you always makes me happy.. but if you still aren't over what happened in your past and just aren't ready for this, i understand. i know it takes time to heal all things. i just can't let things stay the way they are now..

i don't care about titles, or even full commitment. i don't have to be the only girl you care for. i just want to know if i'm the one you care about the most.. if i'm the one you find yourself thinking about more than the others.. i'm not asking for too much.. not even all of your heart at this point.. i just want to know if i'm even really in it.