i never told you

"i see your [brown] eyes everytime i close mine. you make it hard to see, where i belong to. when i'm not around you, it's like i'm not with me. but i never told you, what i should have said. no i never told you, i just held it in. and now, i miss everything about you. can't believe that i still want you. after all the things we've been through. i miss everything about you." -I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat

absolutely love this song. why? it's beautiful AND there's not a specific person this song reminds me of. lately i've been getting sick of listening to songs that i can directly relate to. and it's tough when you're a music addict and the majority of your songs and playlists remind you of faces you wish you could forget. so this song is dedicated to no one in particular, but it's a shame because i wish there was someone from my past that was worthy to miss everything about. so instead, this is for you, mystery boy of my dreams that i will someday be with in the future. i think about what he's going to be like too often. what he will look like, the way he will talk and sound like, and how we will meet. i wonder what he's doing with his life and if he's happy, at this exact moment, and if just maybe, he's thinking of me, too. i actually wrote about this a few weeks ago in my journal. I'll post an excerpt from it later and add it to this blog. I'm performing today, a violin accompaniment, for UIC's Latino Fest. long story short, the songwriter/singer from Righteous Ones was looking for a violinist for his next performance, and he found me through mutual friends. basically I had to come up with a violin interpretation of one of his tracks & will be performing at today's event and an event called HipHop for Haiti at Northeastern a few weeks from now. it's a pretty cool experience getting to use my violin for non-classical purposes =) wish me luck!

edit:
ok, here's the excerpt i promised =)

I can't help thinking about "him" ..when will i meet you? what are you like? are you into musical instruments? will you be a lot taller than me or just tall enough that i could reach up and put my arms around your neck? how does your voice sound.. the way you speak.. how you word your thoughts ? will you be a good listener but still be able to hold a deep conversation with me? can you teach me new things and completely captivate my interest and thoughts towards you? will you like me for me, as is? can you accept all my flaws and weaknesses and still want me? will i be beautiful enough for you, inside and out? do you enjoy reading? could you spend hours in silent companionship with me sitting right next to me just reading, completely comfortable in this way? would you ever read my writings and find them interesting? will you willingly show up to all of my orchestra concerts, sit front row, and smile reassuringly everytime i look at your direction because you can sense i need the support? soo many questions..

^ yeah that's just an excerpt. but i found it kinda interesting that i would be thinking about the same subject, different time, and have the same urge to write about it. i guess subconsciously it's really bothering me. but there's no way to find out more about this mystery guy until i meet him right? i feel like i spend a lot of time waiting for things.. i don't want to be forever waiting.. the fact that i'm impatient notwithstanding.