it's cold.

what is he looking for? what does he want in a girl? does she have to be a specific height, in a certain weight range, does the color of her eyes or hair matter? does she have to be able to sing perfectly or write in graceful calligraphy? what kind of style does he prefer that she dress? how high does he expect her IQ to be? what kind of music does he expect her to be into? etc..

this is me. i've been standing here, right in front of you the whole time. i can't change the way i look or the fact that sometimes i get off-balanced and can be a little clumsy. i don't know how to properly use chopsticks. my voice is a little too high-pitched somedays. but i'm being myself with you every second. why can't you accept me just the way i am? why is there always something wrong with me according to you.. the way i talk, the way i can't hold your interest, how i ruin conversations because i bring up a would-be normal topic to anyone else but hits nerves on your end. i can't read your mind. i'm not perfect. stop making me feel like i need to fix myself because you make it seem like there's something terribly wrong with me. i've never been so insecure in anyone else's presence like the way i am when i'm with you. it hurts. a lot. you make it feel like spending time with me is a hassle & like i'm not worth your time. i feel like you're always judging me; judging my every move, word, action, expression. and if i don't pass judgment, you tend to get easily upset with me. somedays i feel like you don't understand me at all and aren't making an effort to either. why does everything have to be so difficult between us? i really care about you and you're breaking my heart.

i just.. need to know that you're going to be worth all this in the end. i'm not quitting on us because i want to believe we could be something amazing.

i'm switching back & forth between love songs & sad songs.
current playlist:
jump then fall -taylor swift
over my head -the fray
temporary -gabe bondoc
crush -david archuleta
if i fail -cartel
a case of you -reynard silva
just so you know -jesse mccartney
speak up -kristinia debarge
miracle -paramore
falling -sadie ama