Maybe Too Hopeful

When a girl likes you, you're all she thinks about. Given that when she needs to really concentrate on an important task, with enough will power she can really focus, but not too shortly after said task, it's back to you. Real girls have real feelings. So sorry for taking the time to actually get to know you, grow a sense of respect and deep admiration of your talents, caring about you, listening patiently, trying to make you happy even if that meant making myself vulnerable, and inevitably falling for you. But the truth is that you're really amazing. It's your laugh, the way it sounds when you're truly happy. The sound of your voice, when you're just talking or when you're trying to defend/explain/account for something you do that you think I'd find strange or weird, but secretly I don't mind at all. Although I rather enjoy how you'll go through the unnecessary process of explaining for the way you are even though it's so blatantly obvious that I like you, as is. Everyone tells me you're not worth it, but I am very stubborn. And honestly, what guy out there IS worth it? At some point, the guy you care for will hurt you; it may be unintentionable, accidental, or even on purpose. Does it matter when or how frequently it happens? Probably. But right now, I'm following my heart. I'll admit it's unwise, but I would rather lead a life with feeling and purpose and love than a life of restrictions, responsible, boring, safe choices, and a heart that does not know how it feels to really fall for someone.

But what do you do when the guy you like made it clear he wasn't looking for a relationship? And when you told him that's okay with you? Even though it really isn't okay and you think he just needed time to get to really know you better before having made such a decision, but you agreed to his terms because 1)it would give you more time to change his mind. 2)it meant getting to keep spending time with him, even if the time spent meant more to you than it did to him. Yeah, the whole situation sounds like a lot of trouble for one guy, and yes, it looks like I'm setting myself up for disappointment. Although I'm quite aware of the consequences, I can't stop feeling the way I do about him. It's stupid and irrational. But even if the odds are 90% fail to 10% success, I am a hopeful person and 10% is 9% more than what I could ask for. What's killing me is that I can't even guess at how the odds really are because I have no idea how he really feels. This blog probably won't make a lot of sense to the average reader because there's a great number of important details I have to leave out of the situation just on the rare, highly improbable chance that this guy decides to suddenly take a real interest in my life, for even a moment, clicks on the link to this blog which is located on my facebook profile box underneath my profile picture, stumbles upon this, then cares enough to read and make connections.

If you(the guy) are reading this, first off, thanks for being curious/interested in my thoughts. =) second, would it kill you to call/text more often??? oh, and third, I like you. If you like me too, that's great!!!!! If not, let me down gently. =(

Haha.. oh how sweet it would be if life were as simple as that. But life is very complicated. And he probably won't read this. Nor will he visit this blog website. He already said he never goes to my facebook. But to be hopeful, even for a few hours, makes me happier than being hopeless. Goodnight =)

-Jenesis