Past vs. Present

Somewhere along the road, I must have deluded myself into thinking everyone was looking for their soulmate; that all guys actually want to be in committed relationships. Or maybe it was because for about two years, I was with someone who did. Like most selfish, foolish girls, I walked away to see if the grass was greener on the other side. I was with someone who truly loved and cherished me, respected me, cared.. wanted me to be his forever, without a single doubt that he could ever want any one else. He was so sure of "us." Maybe it was because of him that I had such great expectations of all other men. The sad truth is that I have many, many flaws that vary in their degrees of imperfection, and to find a guy who is willing to put up with me the way I am is already pushing my luck. But I did not know this half a year ago. Please, take it from me, if you happen to find someone who can look past your weaknesses and still find you the most beautiful person they have ever met, stop looking for something better to come along! Or else you might just miss out on what could be one of the happiest relationships of your lifetime. Sometimes the greatest gifts come in the most unexpected packages. I do not regret a single day spent with him, nor do I regret leaving. I believe everything happens for a reason. As a person, I have done a lot of self-growth and maturing since. If I had never left, I would not have gained the knowledge that can only come from first-hand experience. I'll admit to making a lot of bad decisions as well, but everything that's happened became another lesson learned. My own stubbornness placed me on the long road where I am forced to learn from my mistakes the hard way. Turns out most guys my age are at the stage in their lives where all they want to do is experiment and live in the moment, which is not necessarily a bad thing. For a while, that's what I wanted too. I tried out the whole "casually dating" scene and basically moved from boy to boy with each new week. Back in high school, this was the same pattern for all my crushes. Unfortunately, old habits die slow. But eventually, after the excitement of impulsive dates fades, the realization that the time spent with the guy you occasionally go out to dinner with or attend movie premiers with isn't adding up to anything meaningful or significant dawns on you. It's like going through the actions and efforts of dating without the intentions to ever be a real couple. Sounds like a waste of time, right? My mom keeps trying to convince me this is the best way to handle my love life at my current age. No-strings-attached dating with the sole purpose of exploring different types of guys and their various personalities. Sure it sounds ideal and like the kind of lifestyle any single girl in her right mind would love to be in, but to me, it feels like I'm just accumulating a list of guys who are interested in me, each with their own reasons/intentions, but none of which I can see myself with for years to come. My friends are telling me that I should not be concerned with this; that I should not be looking for that "right" guy yet anyways. But then what should I be doing? Continuing this shallow form of dating indifferently? I am confused. =/



*Sidenote, I found out what it really means when someone says "roflcopter." Shout out to Eric Orpia, who personally demonstrated :)