I just wish I could get you out of my head. It's getting ridiculous. I haven't pushed for such an exciting social life like I had this week in a long time, but it didn't matter how busy I was; didn't change the fact that you were all I could think about. They say the best way to stop thinking about someone is to keep busy/distracted. Well I'm now in the process of writing my 2nd song on guitar, working on a new medley, had a violin gig today, supported my middle brother at his orchestra concert yesterday, caught up with a few old friends, supported one of my best friends at his string quartet concert monday, saw two different doctors this week, supported my youngest brother at his piano recital sunday, had work, took another friend out to dinner saturday, and even forced myself through books of violin etudes, solos, and other sheet music today. Tomorrow I have plans to go out to lunch with one of the guy best friends, then attend Simbang Gabi at St. Isidore's later that night to see a few more friends. As hectic as my schedule was this week, how in the world is it possible that I still had so much time to myself and thoughts?! Okay, I'm over-exagerating; I didn't have a lot of time alone at all, but it felt like I did because the minutes were endlessly dragging by. It doesn't help that I'm slightly an insomniac and can't fall asleep until past 2am. Just more time for torture. Being the Twilight fanatic that I am, I would like to relate how I'm feeling to the opening chapters of Midnight Sun, when Edward describes his feelings toward Bella as hatred because that seemingly small, inoffensive, innocent girl changed his whole world in one day, forcing him to leave his family/loved ones, and obstructing his vision with the memory of her face 24/7. I can totally relate, Edward. I know what it's like to try everything possible to escape the hold that a should-be insignificant person has on you and epically failing. I was finally reaching closure from a past relationship issue, ready to pursue a blissful independent, single life style filled with much casual dating and attractive, new boys on a weekly basis. But then I had to meet a guy who is actually really amazing.. and before I could even realize what was happening, I got attached. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I don't even really know how or when it happened. But I truly wish I could know why. Why now? Why him? Most importantly, why doesn't he feel the same way? But want to know the worst part? I probably subconsciously think about him all day and consciously think of him every moment I'm not forcing myself to focus on something else.. yet I would be fortunate to even cross his mind once a week. How pathetic does that sound?! Is this what I've been reduced to? =/ I once read something that said "When you can't get someone off your mind, maybe he/she's meant to be there."
-Jenesis
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