Personal or Dramatic?

I am absolutely miserable being single. I don't care for the independence or the freedom that comes with it. Nothing can make up for the inevitable loneliness that hovers over everything, waiting for every opportunity to serve as a constant reminder that no one wants to be with me. Or, if he did have the want to be with me, I did not mean enough for him to take the final step and commit. They say guys want a girl who's independent, has everything together, stable on her own. Well I want a guy who sees me as I currently am, fragile and weak, and still thinks I'm worth pursuing. Then I want him to wait patiently, staying by my side, gently guiding me back to what I used to be like. He would need to realize how much I've been through.. and why I'm so guarded now when I was someone entirely different not so long ago. I would want him to prove he's actually worth my trust. Above all else, I need a guy who actually cares about me. Sounds like a simple demand, right? It's the most important one for me. When I say "care," I mean "love unconditionally, with the right intentions, and act as protector when needed; someone I could always feel safe with." I want a guy who can like me for me; Who I am, not what I can do. For once, I want a guy who tries to continually impress me, rather than me having to impress him first, as it normally is. I would like the guy to take the time to actually get to know me. God blessed me with many talents, but I do not want those talents to be the main reasons behind why a guy wants me to be his. They should add to the overall package, not be the main substance. I want him to respect me, in every sense. He would need to have good morals. Ugh, this blog is turning into something similar to the essay I wrote on my version of "the perfect guy." I started this post with the intentions to write about the sadness of the single life, not what I look for in men. Getting back on topic, I think that it's becoming clear that I want to enter into a relationship again. The difference is this time, I am not expecting the next guy I get in a relationship with to be my "soul mate." I realize I am only 19yrs. old and should not be ready or looking for a lifetime commitment to anyone yet. I simply miss having a boyfriend. I am sure there is much wrong with my logic, but to be truthful I don't know how to think, act, or feel differently. I guess today was just one of those days where the sadness was the more prominent emotion in my head. I say all of this now, but who knows, tomorrow I might be completely content with how things are. There's a reason for everything; even a reason for why I feel the way I do right now. I guess deep down, I know I'll always be happier in a relationship than not, given the guy is worth being in a relationship with. I just cope better some days than others, and today, I very much dislike being single.

-Jenesis